Monthly Archives: April 2025

Tinder is totally old news, I know. But having recently become a single lunatic, it’s still pretty fresh news to me. Fresh and alarming news in fact. While I couldn’t agree more with the concept of getting rid of people by basically saying Blimey, you are a moron, why do you even exist’ (I wish I could permanently swipe left annoying people out of my life), it has enlightened me to the fact that people are, in the nicest way possible, huge bells. And I’m not being generalist here, there are genuine groups of people who should seriously rethink their life choices. Without further ado…

The I’m Just In Bed, Hehe 🙂 Boy

These are the worst. I have no idea where these idiots come from, but they can usually be found lounging creepily on a pile of pillows in a dim light looking sad and tragic. Yes, these are the ones who take pictures of themselves in bed. I don’t know what they’re thinking will happen, but there is no way in good, merry England that anyone is thinking, Oh yes, because he has a picture of himself in bed, he will probably be good in bed SWIPE RIGHT. No. Piss off, you girl. You are a terrible person.

The I Really Like Comatose Tigers Boy

I will put this out there, it’s not just boys that are guilty of this. Even I once took a picture with a cheetah at a safari park. But I don’t use it as a pulling technique. Surprisingly, no girl has ever found a man with a sleeping tiger attractive. If you’re trying to show people that you are all worldly and have been travelling, get a grip.

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